1983.. revisited

demi cintaku pada mu

ke mana saja kan ku bawa
ku hujung dunia ke bintang
kejora

demi cintaku padamu
kukorbankan jiwa dan raga
biar pun harus ku telan
lautan bara

bulan madu di awan biru
tiada yang menggangu
bulan madu di atas pelangi
hanya kita berdua
mengecap nikmat cinta
yang putih tak terbendung
sesuci embun pagi

andai dipisah
laut dan pantai
musnahlah ilham
hilang pedoman

andai dipisah
cahaya dan bulan
gelap gulita
musnah asmara

tampin.. 1983, december 09

Serve Server Serving

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and there goes my 48

No. 1 vs No. 2

he he he

attempt No. 1 vs attempt No. 2.

same ingredient.
same measurement.

but different technique.

1st attempt

2nd attempt

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1st attempt.

2nd attempt.

My Very Own Birthday Cake

OK.. this time around.. I decided to bake my very own Soft Japanese Cotton Cheese Cake.. for my very own 48th birthday.. my first ever try.

But why this cake?
Because I love cheese.. cheese in any form.. any where.. what more in a cake.




melting the cream cheese, butter, fresh milk.
task completed by Damira.




beating the egg white, icing sugar and lemon juice.
task completed by Danial.



err the ingredients on the dining table.


this is the other family work station..
. where we eat.
.. where we drink.
... where we studied.
.... where we prepared our baking etc.
..... where we do just about anything here.

you name it.. we have done it here.

Oh.. 1 More..

.. my very own recipe of sambal tumis bilis with tempoyak & gula kabung.. that finished off 6 pot of rice.

My Work Station

My all time favourite work station..

my own cross stitch.

where i hang it.

where i work of.

my own message board.

where i hang it near.

Turkish Ramadhan Iftar - the 1001 Night I

On the Bike.. On a Ride..

dream on..

Isil as I was Thinking

Talk about perfect timing..
I was looking for Isil's number but in vained. Lo behold Isil sms me to invite us to..

Jigsaw Puzzle

The past few months and to be exact ever since I hook myself to DCCK, I am experiencing some kind of mystifying happening. As if I am fitting a jigsaw puzzle of hundreds pieces. Every one piece is coming into perfect lock. The pieces are coming in piece by piece and at the least expected timing.

Today, as I solat zohor, I felt a very fine different tingling of sincere inner peace beyond words description! Like that one cool serene morning as I was driving to work. Suddenly, the moon was along side with me and smiling as if communicating with each other. Yes, I know - to be aware of the "bisikan" but I just could not help myself being with the moon.

Coming back to the jigsaw puzzle.

What my late father had taught me and my siblings came back in such systematic manner. Then the experiences with Ani's late grandfather and late uncle who both were very humble "teacher" having students of their very own and "guiding" them all the way. Then I met that friend who after much persuasion finally admitted what I had known about him all the while.

And oh! So many more that words are just not enough to describe. I did not know all this while. I really do not know.

Alone is sincere. Indeed. I like the silent of the night. I look forward to that serene silence. I never felt this way before and I pray to Him that the feeling stays forever. As long as I live.

I have been "aslept" far too long.

Sajak Bahasa

Hari Sabtu dan Ahad yang lalu.. aku menghabiskan masa bersama-sama suami dan Ani serta Zamri. Ani ialah kawan baik aku sejak dari umur kami 7 tahun. Ani telah memberi kepada aku buku-buku itu yang kemas dalam simpanannya.

Sajak Bahasa ini dari salah satu buku itu.. sungguh bermakna dan mendalam sekali..

semua bahasa daripada Allah
jibrail qalammullah
Muhammad Rasulullah
manusia semuanya hamba Allah

semua jadi satu
satu jadi semua
berbakti kepada Allah
beriman kepada Rasulullah

manusia
asalmu logam
bahasamu seragam
jauhilah takbur dan ragam

asuhi bahasamu supaya subir
didiklah bahasamu supaya jangan takbur
ingatlah kau kan masuk kubur

bahasa itulah qalam
bahasa itulah budi
bahasa itulah amalan
bahasa itulah kelakuan
bahasa itulah yang akan menyelamatkan kamu
bahasa itulah jua yang mencelakakan kamu
bahasa, bahasa yang ada pada dirimu

kau memohon dengan bahasa
kau memberi perintah dengan bahasa
kau bercumbu dengan bahasa
bahasa itulah ibadatmu

bahasa itulah budi
jangan bahasa mu jadi keji
jangan bahasamu rugi
faedahnya neraka tempat mu tinggal
pada hal syurga tujuan bahasa mu yang asal

pilihlah mana satu
budi baik atau budi keji
bahasa untung atau bahasa rugi
manusia tanggung nasib sendiri
di akhirat jangan menyesal lagi

budi itu adalah hati
bahasa itulah hati
rupanya boleh dilihati
apabila berlaku budi dan bahasa itulah kenyataan seseorang
baik atau buruk hatinya
setelah berbahasa dan berbudi

kata-kata manis yang berlawan dengan bahasa sopan
kata-kata kotor yang berlawan dengan budi
itulah nilainya manusia
kerana itulah dia hatinya
yang dipandang Tuhan kepadanya

The Vibe

wow!

I really am feeling the vibe.. that happy fully contented vibe! Perhaps it is always good to once in a while to be away from home and come back refreshed and missing everybody.

Home..

Home Sweet Home..

There is no place like home! Indeed, how true.

After that 3 days meeting.. and 2 nights away.. I sure would like to sleep in my own very nice bed.

Rest Before Tired

Today.. I am feeling a little bit tired. Perhaps the 3 days meeting really exhausted me. Not physically but mentally. Not much reading this week.

I am going to rest for taking a rest before I am really tired is indeed a better option.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday.. as usual.. as I got into my car.. auto cruised I switched on the radio. A talk show was on air.. pertaining Raudhatus Sakinah. Oh.. I said to myself.. and I began to listen with earnest interest.

Gone was the memory of that friendly chat over dinner with Yatinma a few minutes ago prior to this turned of interest. Yatinma and I, we both were from the same university when we did our degree. Insya Allah, Yatinma will be joining me at this office one day.

Coming back to Raudhatus Sakinah.. there were Ummi Roses, Kak Yati and a few others on air sharing their contributions towards the community of those fated teenagers - the girls. These girls are in the safe confinement of shelter by Raudhatus Sakinah.

Ya Allah.. bless these people for being there for these girls.. who ever they are.

Today.. I would like to share one of the story posted by Ummi Roses at her blog http://ummiroses.blogspot.com/ which she mentioned over the air yesterday..

I would just want to copy and paste the touching story here..

Tak Tertangguh Walau Sesaat

Terima panggilan hampir jam 6 petang waktu berjalan keluar dari ofis, “Ros, kak Sofi rasa tak sihat ni…”

Terus kak Ros jawab “ok kak Sofi… jap Ros datang ambik kak Sofi ye, tunggu Ros… jap lagi Ros sampai…”

Tak sampai setengah jam agaknye kak Ros tiba depan rumah kak Sofi, kakak kepada suami kak Ros dan terus menjemputnya masuk ke dalam kereta.

Dalam kereta, kak Ros bertanya, “kak Sofi rasa tak sihat macammana ye?”

“Rasa letih sangat Ros… penat naik turun tangga di LRT agaknya".

Terasa perlahan benar suara kak Sofi kali ni. Terasa sayu pulak. Elok benar kalau diajak makan bersama. Alhamdulillah sebelum mengambilnya, kak Ros singgah kejap di gerai dan membeli lauk kegemaran sebagai tambahan lauk pauk di rumah. Lagi pun dah lama benar tak berjumpa dengan kak Sofi. Bekerja setiap hari di Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka dan hujung minggu pula ke Rawang bermain dengan cucu sulungnya di sana. Baru empat hari lepas kak Sofi menyambut hari lahirnya langsung menamatkan kerjayanya di ofis… pencen pada umur 56 tahun. Agaknya kak Sofi menunggu-nunggu saat ini untuk merehatkan dirinya dari mengharungi kegawatan pagi dan petang berebut-rebut menaiki LRT dan bas berulang alik dari rumah ke ofis. Tentu sangat meletihkannya.

Perasaan ingin tahu tentang kesihatannya membuat kak Ros terus bertanya samada beliau ada muntah tadi.

Jawapannya “ada sekali” menjadikan kak Ros mengesyaki mungkin ada kena mengena dengan jantungnya.

Namun, kak Sofi terus bercerita tentang perjumpaannya dengan suami kak Ros pagi tadi apabila beliau meminta adiknya itu menemaninya ke bank. Alhamdulillah... sempat mereka berdua makan pagi bersama. Kak Ros membiarkan kak Sofi bercerita tanpa menyampuknya… kelihatannya seperti sedang menzahirkan kegembiraannya.

Bila keadaan senyap, kak Ros ambik kesempatan bertanya “kak Sofi ada tak rasa sesak nafas ye?”… soalan yang tak mendapat jawapan… hanya kedengaran bunyi tarikan nafas yang kuat seperti dengkuran tidur.

Terus kak Ros memalingkan muka kepada kak Sofi yang berada di sebelah tempat duduk kak Ros yang masih memandu ini. Eh..kak Sofi tiba-tiba menjadi kejang seluruh badannya… masyaAllah! Bila mukanya bergerak memandang kak Ros kelihatan mulut yang sudah berbuih.

“Astaghfirullahhal ‘Adzim… kak Sofi kenapa ni?” Kak Ros terus memegangnya dengan sebelah tangan dan sebelah tangan lagi memandu menuju klinik yang berhampiran. Segala zikir yang kak Ros ingat dibacakan sekuatnya dan terasa badan ini makin menggigil.

Sebaik sampai klinik, kak Ros meminta tolong beberapa orang yang sedang berada di kedai berhampiran untuk membantu mengangkat kak Sofi masuk ke dalam klinik. Doktor berusaha keras memberi rawatan sewajarnya. Kak Ros membisikkan syahadah di telinga kak Sofi. Doktor mintak kak Sofi segera dihantar ke hospital berdekatan. Diangkat semula kak Sofi ke dalam kereta kak Ros oleh beberapa orang yang membantu tadi.

Sebelum bergerak, doktor telah memegang tangan kak Ros dan berkata perlahan, “kak, saya tak jumpa nadinya tadi…”

Dalam hati kak Ros terus berdoa… Ya Allah, bantulah hambaMu ini…

Dengan dibantu oleh seorang sahabat JIM Gombak, Salman telah meminta kak Ros beralih tempat duduk supaya beliau yang memandu kereta untuk dibawak ke Hospital Selayang. Kak Ros sempat singgah mengambil Mashitah, anak kak Ros di rumah yang terus memangku kak Sofi. Dalam masa yang sama, Dr Samsuddin juga ahli JIM Gombak sekejap-sekejap menelefon kak Ros untuk memastikan kak Ros tidak sulit menghadapi keadaan yang mencemaskan ini.

Sampai di hospital, kak Sofi telah disahkan meninggal dunia beberapa ketika sebelum tiba di sana. Adam, anak kak Sofi menangis sekuatnya kerana terkilan tak dapat menunaikan hasrat berjumpa emaknya. Kak Sofi meninggalkan dua anaknya Adam dan Ani sebagai yatim piatu kerana suaminya telah pun pergi mengadap Ilahi 11 tahun dulu.

Innalillahi wainna ilaihiraaji’uuun. Jenazah kak Sofi selamat dimandikan malam itu juga dan dikebumikan pagi esoknya. Alhamdulillah… segalanya telah pun selamat disempurnakan.

Ketika munajat kepada Yang Maha Kuasa, Yang Maha Menghidupkan lagi Maha Mematikan…terasa begitu hampirnya Malaikat Maut dengan kak Ros pada saat kak Sofi menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir. Rupanya diri ini bersebelahan saja dengan hamba Allah yang taat menunaikan perintah mengambil nyawa manusia. Airmata ini tidak lagi boleh dibendung-bendung… betapa ia tidak melewatkan sedikit pun janjinya kepada Allah. AmanahNya menjemput kak Sofi telah tertunai tanpa diganggu. Siapa yang berani menyekat kedatangannya dan menghalang jemputannya? Subhanallah! Allah telah memilih kak Ros untuk merasai ketibaannya. Rasa begitu dekatnya dengan kematian...

Sudah adakah bersamaku bekalan mengadap Allah ini nanti?

Apakah aku bisa menjawab persoalan-persoalan sketsa kehidupan yang akan dibentangkan di hadapanku?

Sedangkan mulut akan terus membisu... tiada alasan lagi untuk menidakkan kenyataan demi kenyataan yang dipertontonkan terhadap diriku!

Bagaimana pulak insan lain yang ku kenali sebelumnya… adakah mereka akan membantu menyelamatkan diriku dari terus terhumban dari azab Allah?

Cukupkah amalan yang sepatutnya menjadi penyumbang terbesar menaikkan saham sebagai pemberat timbangan untuk sampai mencecah kakiku ke dalam Jannah nanti?

Cukup solehkah anak-anakku untuk diterima doa mereka di saat aku menantinya di alam barzah nanti?

Macam-macam persoalan mula bermain di kepala…

Bagi sahabat-sahabat dan anak-anak yang dah lama kenal, maafkan kak Ros/ummi di atas segala kesilapan, kesalahan dan kealpaan selama ini. Untuk sahabat yang baru ditemui baik di alam realiti atau di forum maya, mungkin ada yang tidak berupaya menerima kak Ros seadanya, kak Ros mohon berbanyak ampun dan maaf.

Jika tidak kerana keluarga dan sahabat, mungkin jugak kak Ros akan terus leka dengan kepalsuan dunia… Alhamdulillah. Dengan izinNya jugak, kak Ros dipertemukan dengan segala macam ragam manusia… belajar mengharunginya, mendidik diri untuk kembali kepada Allah bukan hanya ketika menghadapi kesusahan malah lebih-lebih lagi pada saat gembira menemukan penyelesaiannya.

Subhanallah… Ya Allah…jadikanlah kami ni hamba-hambaMu yang sentiasa bersyukur.

Umur kita mungkin sekadar ini atau mungkin lebih lagi… tak tahu bila akan dipertemukan lagi baik di sini atau di sana. Moga kita semua dijemput Allah dalam husnul khatimah…

AlFatihah untuk kakak ipar kak Ros, Sofiah Binti Abdul Hamid - 16 April 2008 M / 9 Rabiulakhir 1429 H.

Retreating But Not Defeated

Since yesterday I finally managed to reconstruct this blog which I had created almost 4 years ago. At that point of moment, I needed a space where I could captured my thoughts pertaining my reading and studying.

Well, blogging is one good and efffective way as long as I have the connectivity and the computer of course.

As for my first posting and the last day for the gregorian calender but the 3rd of the islamic calendar, I would just type out what I had read from a book I am currently reading.

This humble looking book, I stumbled upon at one very small and old shop while we were shopping for school uniforms for Boy, Mira and Baby. Boy and Mira are my twins and Baby is the youngest in the family.

The book "Sifat 20: Ke Arah Memahami Aqidah Ahli Sunnah Wal-Jamaah" was compiled by Noraine Abu, the 7th edition and published in year 2006 by Pustaka Ilmi, Selangor.

An excerption from the book:

"Pada suatu ketika Abu Hassan Al-Asyari r.a. telah bersoal jawab dengan gurunya Abi Ali Al-Jabbai As-Sajjami tentang masalah:

Adakah wajib Allah Taala menjadikan baik dan terlebih baik bagi hambaNya.

Abu Hassan Al-Asyari r.a. telah bertanya kepada Abi Ali Al-Jabbai As-Sajjami masalah tiga orang bersaudara.

Seorang berbuat taat.
Seorang berbuat maksiat.
Seorang lagi mati semasa kecil.

Jawab Abi Ali Al-Jabbai As-Sajjami:

Yang pertama diberi pahala.
Yang kedua disiksa.
Yang ketiga tidak disiksa dan tidak diberi pahala.

Kata Abu Hassan Al-Asyari r.a.:

Jika yang ketiga berkata:
"Ya Tuhan! Mengapa Engkau tidak lanjutkan umurku supaya aku berbuat amal soleh dan masuk syurga seperti saudaraku yang pertama?"

Abi Ali Al-Jabbai As-Sajjami menjawab:

Allah Taala berkata "Aku telah mengetahui jika lanjut umurnya tidak dapat tidak engkau berbuat fasik, maka engkau akan masuk neraka."

Berkata pula Abu Hassan Al-Asyari r.a.:

Jika yang kedua bertanya:
"Ya Tuhanku! Mengapa tidak Engkau matikan aku semasa kecil tentu aku tidak derhaka dan tidak dimasukkan ke neraka sebagaimana saudaraku yang kecil?"

Kemudian Abi Ali Al-Jabbai As-Sajjami terus diam.

Maka semenjak daripada itu tidaklah lagi Abu Hassan Al-Asyari r.a. berguru dengan Abi Ali Al-Jabbai As-Sajjami bahkan beliau telah memperluaskan Mazhab Ahli Sunnah Wal-Jamaah."

Black Rider Club

My husband has been riding since he was young. We had travelled on the bike all over the country with our friends on various personal/official occasions and events. Some of our bikers friends (husbands and wives) are as in the photos.

Time is Running Out

I have not been blogging for a while. My network connection in my new office room in Putrajaya has not been connected. So slow is my finishing of that final piece of assignment, that research paper, so is this connectivity. Here I am taking the opportunity while everybody is out on this long lunch Friday break, getting myself connected to the world after a long 2 weeks break, using somebody else computer.

Never mind. After all I am not the type who like to go out during lunch break, I don't like the heat actually. If it rains, I would love to stay in then. I like the view when it rains from this tenth floor of mine. And the rays from the sun, ha ha ha...save the electricity! That is my answer when everyone asks why am I switching off the light. Hey, the natural light is beautiful from where I am. Why do I need the human-made light when I can get such beautiful rays of the sun that give my room such radiance.

Okay, what about my research paper? It is not moving at the speed I am used to be doing when completing my assignments. I guess I am just being too exhausted. I haven't got my proper beautiful rest lately and my mind is too...well, need some servicing I guess, like my car. Even my car got its servicing last weekend but not my mind, not even me, the owner. Ha, ha, ha... What a life!

Anyway, I am way too long in completing this research paper. I will try to finalise "Rhinoceros" and "RUR" by this weekend. Or else my meeting in Penang will be additionally worried by this never ending story of not completing this research paper. I have three weeks of working outstation in Penang, Penang and Penang. Hmmmmm, why all the sudden is everybody having meetings in Penang?

And I need to get that wedding cake I've promised my niece...and my research completed before I can really enjoy that wedding cake. Please, be completed by this weekend!

Distance Learning...At the End of Journey?

Five years ago, the strong message that surfaced from the sessions that made up the three-day 7th SEAMEO INNOTECH International Conference that I attended from 6 to 8 December 2000 in Manila, Philippines had me scouting for places to further my study immediately as I came back. This was my first ever-international conference that I was given the opportunity to attend by my division, Malaysian Examination Syndicates where I am currently attached.

Dubbed “Knowledge Networking in the World of Learning,” the conference brought together some 400 educators from 18 countries to share experiences and insights on the interplay of knowledge and technology where education is pervaded by the new and changing tools of information and communication.

I was very impressed as well as highly motivated during the opening ceremony when Philippine Senate Education Committee Chairperson Teresa Aquino Oreta in her keynote address spoke of her plans to modernize basic education through a series of information technology projects in Philippines. Senator Oreta sponsored the raining of school officials on instructional leadership and educational applications of technology.

The clearest focus of a majority of conference presentations was electronic learning in its various forms. Among others are Michael Churton, Director of Distance Learning, of the University of South Florida, focusing on the implications for human resource development of new distance learning technologies, Sean Loiselle of Lotus Asia discussing how knowledge management is changing the way we find and share knowledge, learn from it and apply it in everyday lives and John Mulhern of the University of South Carolina laying down standards for continuing teacher education which cover context, process, content and evaluation.

Today, with those educational applications of technology I am able at the comfort of my office when time permits me out of my official duty to browse the Internet in continuing my education, searching in a never-ending story in the borderless world of knowledge. At the end of the day, as said by Mahatma Gandhi, quoted by Amalina the girl who scored 17 A1’s in her SPM result, satisfaction is not in the achievement but the process towards achieving it. That is the beautiful part of my life as a distance learning student, a life long learning that I heard first time from Michael Churton. It is not the marks that mattered me the most now but the process of forever acquiring new knowledge, new skills, experiencing the good, the bad and the ugly throughout.

And the last three days for the last 36 hours, at the tips of my fingers I searched the world not only for the course EDU 3234 Reading and Project Work for Teaching Literature in ESL Contexts but also for BB1 2417 Public Speaking and EDU 3230 Content-Based Second Language Instruction.

Where do I begin this journey? And will there be an end to a journey of educating oneself?

Quotes That Ease Me

I think it is probably better to be awake, sober, and drug-free. I suspect those three conditions are probably helpful. But beyond that, I just have to feel like writing. I'm not one of these people who go to the desk every single day and writes. I wait until my head gets filled with stuff and I have to get it out of my head. -- Edward Albee

And I have become less productive… for now.

As for my writing process, I generally follow the advice I give newer writers - try not to polish up front. You have worked yourself to death. Keep going, keep going. If it's poorly written, too bad. Keep going. When you have an end, you've got something whole. Then rewrite, rewrite. Polished incomplete things wear you out. -- Alice Childress

But I have yet to arrive to my thesis statement...

I enjoyed the time I was writing. It was a fun, creative time. No one expected anything from me. I wasn't being strategic in any way. I wasn't trying to set up myself as a writer. I wasn't trying to leverage into a new career. I just wanted to write for its own sake. -- Margaret Edson

Or else what will I be doing if not for this task?

Writing is a tough job. Consider me. With my background, I can't get a play produced. I couldn't get Tea and Sympathy, I Never Sang for My Father, and You Know I Can't Hear You When the Water's Running - my three most successful plays - produced. -- Robert Anderson

Then that explains my difficulty...

It was a great struggle to get people to accept anything but kitchen-sink drama. My play didn't fit any categories. -- Arthur Miller on why his first play, The Man Who Had All the Luck failed in 1944.

Thank God!

Forget Now and Smile Later

Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad- Christina Rosetti, British Poet (1830-1874)

Ha ha ha... Finally I managed to have this photo published in my blog. At the very beginning of creating this blog (a very big applaud for Dr Edwin and thank you very much for introducing this blog thing), I have been trying to get my photo published but was never succeed.

All the while I have been telling myself to really have my photos published every time I log in. Well, here it is my first smile... I can now "forget and smile" at the time of difficulty, trying to get my photo posted and published.

Thank you to Hello and Picasa, softwares that enable people like me who are not that IT savvy, to send and publish pictures to my blog thus sharing them with other blog readers.

Mind you, at this point of moment, of course, I am very thrill to send more- putting to benefit my new acquired skill.